A Weekend Retreat for Adoptive Parents

Six weary-eyed and battle-worn couples arrived Friday evening at Black Butte Ranch just before dinner after another tough week of work and parenting. We were there for a weekend parents-only retreat for moms and dads involved in Foundry Church’s adoption ministry.

Recalling faded memories of retreats from years ago, Sara and I felt it was time for another getaway, but we really didn’t have the time or energy to make it what we wanted it to be. Our simple goal was to create a supportive space for laughter, tears, and an overwhelming sense that God is present in our messy lives.

Securing a date, a location, and a guest speaker were surprisingly easy. A Foundry family generously offered us their beautiful resort home, and our first choice for a guest speaker enthusiastically signed on. His name is Ethan Holub, and I met him briefly at Sons of Thunder last year. Although I barely knew him, I remembered his unabashed, seemingly reckless faith in Jesus—the perfect person to remind the parents in attendance why they adopted in the first place.

Ethan and his wife Christine have hundreds of wild stories that could each fill a book. Ethan describes himself as a “Forrest Gump” type, seeming to always meet the right people at just the right time anywhere from Antarctica to Israel. When he finally settled down in Eugene and got married, he and Christine provided home and support for a steady stream of people needing rescue—rescue from sex-trafficking, drugs, homelessness, etc. Eventually they adopted a couple girls through their ministry, which brings us to this year’s retreat.

Ethan and Christine Holub, our guest speakers

The six couples in attendance represent a variety of life situations. Two couples belong to Foundry, one Antioch, one New Hope, and two were from out of town, including the Holubs. Among the six families represented, there were 30 children, by the grace of our loving God, not in attendance. Seventeen of the 30 are adopted from a mindboggling array of backgrounds. So, it didn’t take long to find common ground and for the laughter and tears to commence.

After homemade sushi and a worship song, the Holubs kicked things off by telling their remarkable story. That set the tone for the next couple days of story-sharing and prayer. One attendee commented, “We haven’t experienced prayer like this in too long!”

While parents shared their stories, it occurred to me that none of these adoptive parents have much in the way of worldly treasures. None of them seemed to care, either. What they do have are kids with terminal cancer, kids who have made enemies of their adoptive parents, kids who are embarrassed about their different and malformed bodies, and kids who grieve the brokenness and loss of their birth parents.

These parents long for their children to grow up healthy and strong, to know Jesus, and to have healthy family relationships. Good things to hope for, but far from assured. Instead, the Bible promises tribulation, persecution, and ultimately, death.

But they are chasing something eternal, storing up treasures in heaven, and I imagined a crown on each of their heads. They all deserve really shiny, golden ones, which they will get eventually. In the meantime, their crowns look very similar to the one placed by soldiers on the head of Christ. I could almost see bloodstained brows as they shared their grief of missing out on simple joys most parents take for granted.

“Blessed is the one who endures trials, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12

Sunday morning, still weary-eyed and dreading going back to the daily grind, we packed and tidied up the house. The retreat was a resounding success. Our goals of laughing, crying, and experiencing God together were exceeded beyond belief. Lasting relationships were solidified, and we gained fresh new reminders of God’s powerful presence in our lives.

A sample selection from our resource library

Foundry Church’s adoption ministry exists to encourage and support parents in their atypical family-building journeys. We host regular potluck dinners and coffee meetings, educate from our library of resources, and provide grants to help with the costs of adoption. Contact blog@foundrybend.org if you would like to learn more.