An Oldster's Life Template
Recently I spent a weekend with a bunch of old dudes. We gathered to explore ideas concerning how we can flourish and finish strong. All the guys were in their 4th quarter, some in the red zone.
When it comes to oldsters, elders, geezers, we have traveled into and transitioned out of the first two stages of a person’s life.
First comes the stage of compass setting where young minds search out and decide a general direction for life, formed by beliefs, family traditions, dreams and desires. This isn’t about professions or careers but forming a personal foundation on which to build.
Next comes empire building. With a vision of what might be, most embark on journeys to bring to reality those dreams: work, spouse, family, hobbies, friends, community involvement, faith groups, and the like. In this stage we amass stuff like houses and cars and 401k’s, not to mention debt along the way.
Then the third third drives up in the fast lane and bullies its way in.
Once daily work winds down, a person never has had as much experience and the attenuated wisdom gleaned along the way. Time, once dictated by job constraints, now is less structured and brings both challenge and opportunity. Even money, with the kids mostly off the payroll and not needing to buy as much new stuff, for most is enough. And then for us as Jesus-followers, the desire to figure out what God is doing and join in on the action still pounds in a heart. At this age we still want to be used by God for his glory and the good of all people, useful all the way to our end.
But we all face hard transitions in the post-work years.
Your field of play and influence naturally shrinks and you can feel insignificant
Fewer people look to you for your opinion which leads to feeling useless
What you once physically could do with ease, now is often a frustrating struggle
Purpose can seem illusive which devolves into inaction and sadness
It doesn’t have to be this way. We will face plenty of transitions, but no throwing life into neutral and coasting to the finish, or filling days with cotton-candy distractions until it’s time for happy hour. God provides some direction for elders, not as in a role in church but just us old folks, that can address some of the trauma of transition we experience.
Listen to Paul as he writes to a church leader, Titus, and talks about old dudes and dudettes.
As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.
Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not be gossips or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good.
These verses stuff a lot into a few words and form a framework for a worthwhile older life of faith, a brief life template of sorts. With the world seemingly going nuts and changing from what we’ve known right beneath our feet, it’s tempting to be the “get off my lawn” grump or the gossipy old biddy. It’s almost like a riptide sucking us out into deep water we never wanted to swim.
These verses at the top of Titus 2 tell me our struggles today are universal and not time-bound. The encouragements apply to our modern culture quite easily.
One way to try to think through to understand what Paul is teaching is in mirror image, opposite of what is written. Apologies in advance that they are negative.
Older men first.
Exercise little self-control → This looks like an impulse-driven life. A man without self-control looks like a car speeding down a curvy road without guardrails, constantly at risk of a crash. Not slowing his roll but flying toward every new enticement or outrage, and without considering things in their proper size and importance in light of eternity, his life is often chaotic.
Not being worthy of respect → This guy makes choices in life that do not reflect what he says he believes. He doesn’t embrace a Jesus ethic or value what matters, but explains away any non-Jesus actions as necessary for the times.
Live unwisely → Wisdom is gained through experience remembered and godly lessons applied. To live unwisely ignores or rationalizes setting aside God’s directions and resists weaving new growth into one’s mental fabric of belief.
Unsound faith → Knows what he believes, but holds it as just one voice of influence, competing with social media and cable news. This leaves a man tossed on the waves of current events and susceptible to being deceived and manipulated.
Filled with hatred of enemies and impatient for change → Following the angry mob calling for payback for any offense while leaving no room for dialogue and understanding. His is a binary world that allows for no shades of gray, only room for righteous anger.
And now for the older women.
Live in a way that looks little like Jesus → This may honor a lifestyle or political brand but her life shows God is not showcased, just used as a stamp of approval. Honoring God comes second to any agenda, but the words sound right.
Talk about others behind their back → Her sport is tearing others down, deserved or not, and in a perverse way, exalting herself. This only divides, never connects.
Drink hard and remove checkpoints → With each drink, inhibitions shrink and the chances for otherwise avoidable verbal missteps increase.
Teach others to follow your example → Self-justifying “follow-me-ism” to come along and mimic what she is believing and doing. We all teach all the time and her lessons do little to offer the real Jesus to a world desperately needing hope.
Now, cleanse your palate with reading, again, what’s from Paul to Titus:
Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.
Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not be gossips or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good.
There you go. If you are nearing or squarely in the third third of your life and (whether you like it or not) known as an “elder” (or elderette), Titus 2 is a good starting point toward finishing well with how we might live.
Let’s flourish in our faith all the way to our finish line. This has nothing to do with health or illness, wealth or poverty, or any other metric. Life and opportunities will look different as we age, but they are no less important, and God is not finished with us quite yet.
Music this week is mostly about strings
And jokes? Sure, you betchya
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday School class.
“NO!” the children all answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”
Again, the answer was, “NO!”
“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, “NO!”
“Well, I continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?”
A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YA GOTTA BE DEAD!”
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(This is an old one told by Jonathan Winters on the Carson Show)
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch when she turns to him and asks, “Honey, if I die, would you remarry?”
“Why would you ask such a question?”
“Really, would you?”
“Well, I’m still young enough, yes, probably.”
“Then, if I die and you remarry, will you keep the house?”
“I suppose so, it’s close to work and we like the neighbors.”
“OK, so if I die and you remarry and keep the house, would you keep our bed?”
“Probably, I sleep well in it and it helps my back and it’s nearly new.”
“So, if I die and you remarry and keep the house and the bed, will you give her my golf clubs?”
“No, she’s left handed.”