Help!

The women from my church called to see if they could bring meals while my first husband was actively dying in the hospital bed in our living room.

“That’s so kind of you,” I replied. “Thank you, but it’s just our daughter and me, and we don’t eat much.”

Our daughter Summer returned from running errands and I told her about the phone call. She knew these women, so she called back, “Yes, please. We’d love meals, but in small portions and every other evening.”

And then she turned to me. “Mom,” she said in her best lecture voice. “People want to help in meaningful ways. They want to be part of your story.” Pause. “You need to let them.”

I didn’t want to bother people. I didn’t want to be a burden. They were already busy with their own lives, carrying their own loads. At least, that’s what I told myself.

But perhaps it was more about pride: “I can do this on my own. I’m a strong woman.”

And thus began the season of saying, “Yes, thank you,” to all the food, and books, and candles, and flowers.

“Yes,” to the offer of cable during football season with the loan of a small TV set within sight of the hospital bed.

“Yes,” to the Christmas wreath, the loan of an infuser, and the lovely aromas that came with it. And “yes, yes, yes” to the Chai lattes left on our front porch every day at 7:00am for six weeks.

So many thoughtful, kind, overwhelming gifts. And so much love. Which I would have missed had I said, “No, I’m good … thank you.”

If you grapple with this same ‘condition,’ then listen in on a conversation from The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy:

“What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the boy.

“Help,” said the horse. “Asking for help isn’t giving up,” said the horse. “It’s refusing to give up.”

And then there’s this command from the Apostle Paul in a letter to the young church in ancient Galatia, which is also a directive for twenty-first century Christ followers:

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

I’ve always read this verse as instruction for me to look around to see which burdens I could help bear, which I should do, of course. But what about my part as a recipient of burden-bearing?

If my brother or sister offers their support, and I decline, then I just blocked their opportunity to do some burden-carrying and thus fulfill the law of Christ, which is the law of love.

What if we could learn to say something like this: “Yes, thank you for offering to clean my house since my foot is supposed to be non-weight-bearing for six weeks” … or … “Yes, thank you. I could really use an extra hand and a second pick-up truck to haul off the yard debris from my parents’ place.”

Practice saying with me: “Yes, thank you.”