How Are You?...I Don’t Know…But…

Ordinarily, I would begin by introducing myself, but many of you already know me and are aware of my rather goofy sense of humor. You know … the one that drives my husband up the wall.

In this brief letter, I am discussing a very serious subject, but in my own Dorene-Style-Speak because that’s what comes naturally for me. Please bear with my humor, but please, please, also hear my message.

Let me introduce you to my new roommate. I call her “Alzyee.” It’s my way of making light of a terrible diagnosis.

Alzyee is a fairly new acquaintance who hasn’t been around very long, but in this short time, she has pretty much taken over my life, and NOT in a good way. 

It was this past March when this uninvited roommate moved in. 

It was the same day a doctor flatly and coldly said to me, “Yes, you have Alzheimer’s Disease. Live with it and die with it.” 

“WHAT!?”

Previously, Don and I had discussed my lousy memory, but hearing this said out loud—from a doctor, no less—was a real gut punch! 

If only he hadn’t used the “A” word!  

This cry was silently screaming in my head as the “A” word ricocheted around in my brain at breakneck speed. It was as if not saying the word would have made a difference. 

It didn’t!

In desperation, I looked at the “GOD IS IN CONTROL” sign above my desk. Often! God and I have had some serious discussions in the shadow of that small sign. It reminded me of Jeremiah 39:11, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not harm you…”

That is when I decided to change her name from Alzheimer’s to “Alzyee.”

We also knew that at some point, Alzyee would begin to act out, and people would wonder, “What is going on with Dorene?”

So let me tell you about Alzyee. (I was going to say, “First, let me tell you,” but there really is no First. It is just a muddle of so many, many things.)

Alzyee is a very selfish roommate. She took my car keys from me. She now has Don on her side regarding my driving. I’m not happy that I don’t get to drive more than the 10-mile, low-traffic distance from our house to the Post Office in Sunriver. Apparently, she has also spread rumors to Don about me not paying attention to my driving and getting lost in Bend … a lot! SHEESH!!! Sometimes the truth hurts.

Additionally, she steals my words and my short-term memory on a daily basis. This is even worse than stolen car keys.

Of course, it's not just me. Many people around us have other “Roommates” who are making their lives totally miserable in various ways. 

Some are called “Arthur,” short for Arthritis, who causes moaning, groaning, and yelping whenever they move. There’s actually a whole family of Arthurs who have been known to gang up and attack numerous areas at the same time, back, neck, knees, etc.

Some "Arthurs" are known to tag along with “The Older-Than-Dirt” gang of “Roommates”. 

Together, they create trouble so horrible for their hosts that I won’t even go into it here. It’s different with every person. 

Several of these little monsters have apparently sneaked into our attic and have aimed their dastardly darts at Don, causing him extreme pain and misery.

For me, the most painful part of this battle is what it is doing to my husband. Don has stood by me for 40 years. He tries his best to cope, but it is very hard for him to watch various parts of me slip away as he struggles with his own pain.

We all try to hide the effects of our “Roommates” from family and friends, while they continue to hack away at us mercilessly. However, in many instances, we don’t know the battles that others are facing.

Additionally, we all have friends or family who periodically say to us, “How are you?“ This question stops me for a moment, not knowing the best way to answer it. I find it is often just friendly noise caused by neither one of us knowing just what else to say, except “fine.”

On a recent Sunday morning, I was the one who asked that same question of a dear friend who quickly quipped, “Fine! But I lie a lot!” 

Now, I found that to be pure unadulterated truth!

However, for me personally, the only truthful answer to that question is, “I … don’t … know … but I sure could use a hug!” 

And I have found those are the BEST HUGS EVER!!! 

Please consider asking if you can hug that person in front of you who has just glibly replied to your question with, “Fine.”

You may make their day. I know those warm hugs certainly make mine!