When Your Plans Go Sideways

Once upon a time, I planned a happy marriage with kiddos who, when they grew up and married, would live just down the street from us. Well, maybe not down the street, but certainly closer than 2,784 miles (daughter, son-in-law, and grandkids) and 3,716 miles (son and daughter-in-law).

The happy marriage was going as intended—with the standard hiccups along the way—but then cancer took over center stage, demanded the spotlight, and escorted my husband into the wings.

This wasn’t how I planned my life. Widowed. Kids and grands thousands of miles away. But this was my new path. And I needed to learn how to navigate it because I didn’t want to live a defeated life.

The following are a few steps I took to plot a course towards a flourishing life when my well-intentioned designs went sideways:

Release. The need to release our plans, our agenda, our timing enters the picture when the bankruptcy happens. Or the college scholarship doesn’t happen. “Here, God. It’s all yours. I’m no longer going to clutch at this.” (Releasing may need to occur over and over, which is perfectly fine.)

Choose beauty. With side-tracked strategies, we can choose to wallow (which isn’t very pretty). Or we can choose beauty in the chaos of the sideways. And beauty begins with gratitude.

No, you’re not happy you lost your job. You’re not happy you weren’t accepted into the grad program. But are you grateful for any of these benefits—good health, a strong mind, a roof over your head, a full fridge/pantry, freedom, transportation, beauty in nature, people to love, people who love you?

Choose beauty by regularly capturing gratitude in a journal … and see if it doesn’t change your outlook.

Consider repurposing. Oftentimes our plans are connected to our purpose in life. And when those developments go awry, it can cause us to wonder about our place in this world. Instead, could we repurpose those ruined ideas?

Repurpose means to “adapt for use in a different purpose.” So, for example, if you always intended to be a mom, but you can’t seem to get pregnant or carry a child to full term, could you consider connecting with a volunteer organization that works with children? Or could you have “daughters” through an after-school mentoring program? Or by volunteering with your church’s youth group? Or through adoption?

Maybe you planned to open a cute little brick-and-mortar gift shop, but your husband left you with kids, strained finances, and the need to find a job with a regular paycheck. Could you make things from home—knitted items, pottery, jewelry—and open an online Etsy shop? Could you recruit crafty friends to participate with you?

Sometimes the ideas that go sideways simply need to be released and forgotten about. But sometimes they can be repurposed into a new thing we’d never before considered.

Wait. This is the hardest step. Because as humans, we want what we want when we want it, right? When our plan goes sideways and there’s no logical repurposing option, then … wait. And do what we know to do while waiting: show up for work, write the thank-you note, visit the friend in the hospital.

And then wait some more. Because we don’t want to get ahead of what God has for us.

I waited six years through widowhood, knowing there was something more God wanted me to do, something beyond what I was involved with as a single woman.

And then I met a man whose heart was heading in the same direction as mine. A man who was going about the business of making life easier for other people. A man who had lost his wife to cancer. We joined hands in marriage, and together we’re pursuing God’s blueprint for our joined lives.

Unexpected plot twist

There’s an ancient proverb that goes like this:

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9

There’s nothing wrong with setting goals and being organized. But always do so with the thought of a loving Father who directs our steps.

I’m intrigued by this Yiddish proverb: “Man plans, God laughs.” It almost sounds cynical. I wonder how many people have this view of an uncaring God, as if he delights in scattering our plans much as a child enjoys knocking down towers of blocks?

The truth is, life on this fragile earth will carry its share of broken intentions and broken dreams and broken hearts.

But this is also the truth: God always and only chooses for the highest good for his children. Even when it doesn’t appear that way.

Molly Weis wrote a humorous quote that carries a good deal of wisdom:

“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, ‘Plot twist!’ and move on.”

When (not if) life takes an unexpected and unwanted plot twist, what if we could rewrite our stories—alongside the Master Storyteller—in the direction of thriving?

Speaking from experience, we can.