Failing Forward
When I’m not otherwise occupied solving the world’s problems, I enjoy reading or listening to novels.
Mostly I’m waist-deep in murder-mysteries, spook and spy twisties, period thrillers, and the like. One author I enjoy is Daniel Silva. His main recurring character is a former Israeli spy-master and classic art restorer named Gabriel Allon (I know, quite the combo but trust me, it works).
A good friend sent me his latest book, An Inside Job, and I’m loving it. Basically, an undiscovered Leonardo is found by accident in the archives of the Vatican, then stolen, and murder, mayhem, and intrigue ensues with earnest. So far it’s a good read.
The whole Vatican setting, to me, is both attractive and confusing with its Byzantine layers of structure and authority flowing out from the Pope. As you know, each Pope is viewed by Catholics as the next descendant of the first bishop of Rome, Peter, and leads the Catholic Church worldwide. Peter’s image graces thousands of stained glass panels and is the hero to countless faithful believers since he lived.
But that got me to thinking about this guy, and like any rabbit-trail this was fun to tease out a bit. Peter is an interesting character and a figure whose life we can learn from long before his later leadership roles, specifically from his worst moments.
Consider this young fisherman’s life. He gets called away from his trade and during the three years following his Rabbi he gradually assumes a role of one of Jesus’ inner circle (think walking on water, blurting out that Jesus is the Christ, the transfiguration, and other high points).
But at crunch time, Peter falls as flat as a bad soufflé.
Let’s take inventory from that last weekend after dinner in the borrowed upper room.
In the garden when Jesus asks him to keep watch and pray, he takes a nap…3 times.
When the soldiers come, Peter impulsively pulls a knife and cuts off a dude’s ear that Jesus has to heal.
At the Palace he denies knowing Jesus, cusses and runs off, petrified when identified by a servant girl at a warming fire.
Peter is nowhere to be seen at the crucifixion.
He refuses to believe the women who report Jesus is risen from the dead.
Peter is hardly mentioned in the narratives during those first days, like he retreated in failure-shame onto the sidelines and out of the game.
He returns to Galilee and to what he knows best, saying, “I’m going fishing.”
I think I know Peter’s heart about this time.
I would guess his failures convince him his usefulness to God is over and that he will never recover from this. Pause for a bit and imagine the anguish, the regret, the recrimination that has no remedy. He blew it at the biggest moment. I would bet there was little conversation from him on the trek back north from Jerusalem while the others probably jabbered on about that weekend to remember forever.
Three years earlier, right at their beginning, Jesus had given Simon a nickname, Peter, the Rock. Now, in his mind, he carried new names, like one of those sticky nametags for all to see: Peter the dozer. Peter the denier. Peter the coward. Peter the fraud.
I said I can imagine Peter’s heart because I’ve been there, and so have you.
When the pressure was on, fudging to get by.
Staying a bit too long in a place not good and making a bad decision.
Speaking too much and regretting the irretrievable words.
Playing the game rather than telling the truth and then getting caught.
Going too far on the computer or with the co-worker or out on the town.
Plenty of examples of times when a do-over would be so welcome.
So, Peter is out fishing all night and returning with the morning sun, probably depressed, after catching nothing and he sees, on the beach beside a fire, the one he desperately desires yet probably afraid to face. Here’s how the text in John 21 reads:
At dawn Jesus was standing on the beach, but the disciples couldn’t see who he was. He called out, “Fellows, have you caught any fish?” “No,” they replied. Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get some!” So they did, and they couldn’t haul in the net because there were so many fish in it.
Then the disciple Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and headed to shore. The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only about a hundred yards from shore.
When they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them—fish cooking over a charcoal fire, and some bread. “Bring some of the fish you’ve just caught,” Jesus said. So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn’t torn.
“Now come and have some breakfast!”
In your mind’s eye, paint a picture of this meeting, especially between Peter and Jesus.
What questions compete for space in Peter’s mind?
On the way wading to shore from 100 yards out, how many times did he game-plan his words?
What kind of expression might be on Jesus’ face as he watched his broken brother trudging to shore?
The text continues:
After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.
Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”
“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.
A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.
“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God.
Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”
Peter had denied Jesus three times. Now, three times Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me?” It’s almost like he’s taking a magic eraser to what Peter thought was indelible ink and one by one, his burdens of betrayal are lifted and those sticky labels fall into the fire. Jesus ends the moment with the same words he spoke to Peter years before at the beginning,
“Follow me.”
Nothing has changed except everything. The same call now comes to a transformed man, and centuries later we celebrate Peter in marble and glass as a hero of faith.
You have heard it said that we don’t need to be defined by our worst moment, or season. Here, in a clear conversation on a beach around a charcoal fire, we see it in action. Jesus leads Peter to untie the knot in his stomach with his own words,
“You know that I love you.”
Simple. Powerful. Life-changing. Bad label-removing. Compass-setting.
Living out his identity in Christ, Peter emerges from all this as the bold, surprisingly articulate, powerful follower of Jesus we see early on in the Book of Acts. It’s worth reading those chapters with this scene in mind. His leadership role has its roots in a conversation over a BBQ fish breakfast.
Peter cares deeply and acts courageously as a man who knows what it feels like to fail badly and be restored to live powerfully. Reading over the Acts stories from those early times of the followers testing out faith in life shows a man who fears nothing because he has experienced the worst and emerged changed and empowered.
Peter is a place-holder for every one of us. Can you see that?
Your failures have either crippled you a bit more with each stumble, or those experiences, that have surely left scars, have allowed you to fail forward. Wounded, changed, humbled, seasoned. The ones who have been forgiven by God have a message to tell, because they have nothing to prove to anyone and nothing to fear, because if Jesus is for them, who could be against them?
Not long after this beach scene and back in Jerusalem, Jesus is gone, and Peter, along with John minister with great power and confidence that gets them into trouble with the same folks who killed Jesus. They had healed a disabled man which caused quite a stir.
Peter is a new man who knows Jesus as well as his own failures, letting his scars show. These ordinary men having been with Jesus empowered them to be bold, speaking truth to the most powerful people of the day. Looks like failing forward works.
Some reading this have made a mess of much of their life and might feel they will never be good enough, others might have to squint to recall those self-defeating events we’d love to have back. If those are toward the ends of the spectrum, you are somewhere along the curve, and the same Jesus waits on the shore for you, after you have worked hard and caught no fish. He waits with a smile on his face and fillets on the grill.
The invitation to “come and have some breakfast” echoes across the water to your boat. Today, jump out of the boat and wade to shore to begin again. His call to you today is the same as it was to Peter.
“Follow me.”
The old hymn, Softly and Tenderly, hits this spot just right.
Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling
Calling for you and for me
See on the portals (or beach!), He’s waiting and watching
Watching for you and for meCome home, come home
Ye who are weary, come home
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling
Calling, “Oh, sinner, come home”
Music is always good
And from Latvia, a bit of JS Bach (crank the volume!)
Funnies…albeit pretty lame ones
There's a guy who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a beaver.
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*apologies in advance…this one’s from my seester
One week the minister decided to change up the song service a bit.
He said, “Today in church, I will say a single word and you are going to suggest a hymn for us to sing. Whatever comes to mind.”
The pastor shouted “CROSS.”
Immediately the congregation started singing “The Old Rugged Cross.”
The pastor yelled out “GRACE.” They all began to sing “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.”
He then hollered “POWER.” As one the congregation began singing “There is Power in the Blood.”
The pastor said “SEX.” The whole church was silent and somewhat stunned and a bit afraid to say anything.
Then from way in the back of the church a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and sang with a loud, clear voice, “Precious Memories.”